i've always been told i'm "TOO MUCH" this and too much that. it never really got to me, until now.
i've always had someone tell me i'm too much of this, too much of that, i'm too loud, i'm too quiet. i'm too shy. i'm too outspoken. i'm too fat. i'm too tall. it never ends...i never believed it until i had heard it enough that i did start to believe that i wasn't enough. or that i was too much. i'm too much of a christian. i'm too much to handle. i'm too emotional. i'm not emotional enough. my laugh is too much. i'm too desperate. i'm not trying hard enough. i try to hard. when do you get at a point where you start believing the things that people tell you? where do you start defining yourself from the things that people say about you? after a while, you let words hurt you and get you down.
words. they can either be uplifting, or they can tear you down. i don't really have any room to talk, about tearing people down with your words. because i wasn't the uplifting teenage girl that you think i was. i still struggle with my words today. i always happen to say something and not realize that i have put my foot in my mouth. it wasn't ever a good thing. i've lost a lot of friendships because of the hurtful things that i've said. i guess the point of this blog entry is to be an example you don't want to be. i want to give advice for whoever is listening. watch what you say. be careful about what you say to your family and friends when you're upset. always think before you speak. i know, roll your eyes all you want. but this is so true. there have been so many times that i didn't think before i posted something on facebook, i didn't think before i sent that text message, i didn't think before i said rash things to the people that loved me.
i want to be an encouragement to you guys. it does get better. you learn, you grow, and hopefully, you do save some friendships. i still have a few friends that i know will be there until the end. granted, i always try and think before i speak now. so let this be an an encouragement or a lesson. let it be whatever you want it to be. you can always apologize, but you can never take those words back. you can the worst thing to ever say to a human being. those words are out there forever. you can apologize ten thousand times, but it doesn't take back the hurt of the recipient of those words. you can't take back the hurt that you did once the words are out there. this is a work in progress everyday for me. some days i fail, some days i don't.
today was one of the days that i failed. i failed miserably. i sent a text that i shouldn't have sent. and now this person won't talk to me. figures. i mean, i deserve it. i said something that wasn't encouraging or uplifting. i have apologized numerous times. but it's not going to do me any good. this person isn't going to text me back. i wish that it wasn't true. and this person will one day forgive me. but it is very unlikely. so learn this, ALWAYS make sure what you are sending is encouraging and uplifting. because once you send it, there is no going back. you can apologize and apologize. but its not going to change how they feel about you now.
maybe one day i'll write about forgiveness. but for now, that is all i have for you.
--the girl with the bird tattoo.