"i have nothing left to live for anymore."
those were the words from the other line that left me speechless. i never thought that i would hear those words from someone else besides me. "i know exactly what you're going through" i wanted to say. but i kept my mouth shut. i had no idea what to say to this person. is this what my friends go through whenever i'm depressed and want my life to end? not knowing what to say to the other person. trying to talk them out of it, was not something i had ever done before. this is the real test, i said to myself. i've been there, when things get bad, you want your problems to disappear or you want to disappear. your problems will never disappear, but once you disappear, you can never reappear. yes, things might be bad right now. but they will not be bad forever. things will be difficult. things will get tough.
but you HAVE TO KEEP TRUCKIN' ON.
don't give up! you have SO much to live for! if you are sitting on your computer and you're reading this, saying "yeah, what do you know?" i don't know much, but i know this: there is so much more out there than being depressed all the time and wondering if you ended your life, things will be better. i know.because i once thought these thoughts. i once thought about ending my life. i once spent hours in my room crying because things were getting tough for me and i couldn't deal with it. but that was a good three, four, five, years ago, maybe more than that. i don't keep track. BUT I'M STILL HERE. obviously. it might be raining right now, but the rainbow comes pouring through when the storm is over. just think of the people in your life: girlfriend/boyfriend, friends, close friends, family members, friends who are like family to you. i know i can list at least ten people that i know would miss me if i was to leave earth a little earlier than planned. i want you to do the same.
if you can't think of them, you aren't trying hard enough. THINK, the neighbor who smiles at you every morning and waves as you leave for work. the lady at the coffee shop who asks how the family is every time you see here. the old lady at the grocery store who says "i havent seen you in forever! how are you??" and her face brightens up as you tell her about what is going in your life. if you stop and look around once in a while, you will see that people love you and adore you. i never like preaching, but there is one person who will love you no matter what. you know who i'm talking about too. you can fight it and say that he doesn't, but He does. very much. he created you. he LOVES you. he put you here for a reason.
let me say it again, HE LOVES YOU. SO MUCH. he loves you so much that he sent his only son on the cross TO DIE FOR YOU. i can't express this enough. he loves you so much, that it has me in tears when you don't believe me. that someone like him, perfect, indescribable, sinless would die for you, someone who isn't perfect. and that's when i learned that's the reason why he loves us. because of who we are. if we to come to him like we are, dirty, sinful, selfish, cold-hearted, and yet he loves us anyway.
i know, it seems ludacris, him loving us UNCONDITIONALLY. because he does. he loves all of us. every characteristic that isn't the best. i could go on and on about how we aren't good enough for God. because we aren't. thats why he sent Jesus to the cross. So that, we the broken, can spend eternity with God. Our sins are wiped CLEAN because of this selfless act.
if ANYBODY ever has thoughts about ending their lives, immediately tell SOMEONE. there are suicide hotlines that are available 24/7. tell a family member, a close friend, a trusted adult, someone.
--the girl with the bird tattoo
--the girl with the bird tattoo
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org