TOTS

For most of you that don't know, I have clinical depression. Basically what that means is that I can get really depressed at a drop of a hat. And this month of October, I have been working at a haunted house in my hometown. It has been a challenge to say the least. I am a newbie, so I don't know most of the people that work there. So most of them don't talk to me much. And it has started to get really lonely. They will all talk to each other but I'll be sitting there not talking to any one. Then what gets to me is my head. My brain tells me that the reason they aren't talking to me is because they all hate me. I Know that's not true, but my brain tells me to believe it. So if you work at TOTS and you're reading this, don't take this as a bashing from Ali. l absolutely love you guys but my brain tells me not too. But l fight with my body & my body usually ends up winning, and I hate that about myself.  I struggle with it everyday. Fighting with myself everyday makes me very tired. As it should. Trying to act like every thing is okay when really it is the exact opposite. After a while your body needs rest & the time that my body needs that rest, I'm working at the hunted house & I come off as distant & cold. So I apologize now if I seem quiet or mad, When it is neither. I'm just thinking & I don't realize that I'm around people. Who knows what I'm thinking about either. Sometimes I'm thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow or how I'm going to reorganize my room (I'm in the process of re-doing my room). So many people that know me think that because I'm quiet, l'm mad. No, I'm just clinically depressed. I'm not mad. It takes a lot to make me mad, so I'm most likely not mad. You would know if I was mad. I don't hide my emotions very easily. Well that's all I have for now. I wasn't really going anywhere with that. So yeah...


--the girl with the bird tattoo.

And PS. Yes, I will be blogging about the stupid questions I get while touring people at the Haunted House. We still have one more night (good ole Halloween night!) So hold your horses. Its coming soon. :) promise.